As you guys know, this week is birthday-themed, and that means I’m posting about ANY AND ALL things birthday-related. For instance, did you know that it’s possible to freak out over something as minor as a party hat? I mean, sure, if the party was for a wizard or something I could understand the…
I’m having a real hard time imagining what kind of party hat is worth this much stress.
Before her marriage bed was even cold, Gertrude jumped vagina-first into bed with Claudius.
Oh lord. Please do not let any of my students ever write anything this crass and awkward for me to read. Thank you.
Bibliography:
1 Magazine
1 website
My own knowledge
Oh god!! This is not too far off from what I’m seeing in my senior’s research papers! It’s funnier when it happens to someone else.
Every so often, the internet re-discovers this video I made almost 10 years ago. Someone just told me it was again making the rounds — thought I’d jump on the bandwagon.
SMILE! :oD
Fascinating! Just proves that staying calm and civil in the face of provocation leads to far more productive outcomes.
“I’m proud of you.”
I’m mildly embarrassed to admit I’d be in the same boat as Ellen. I know about Jay-Z, but I don’t know what he looks like.
It’s easy to say we should all “come together” now that your vote has been cast and our country is being led by a bunch of left-wing socialist imbeciles. What you don’t understand is that in our democratic society YOUR VOTE DIRECTLY EFFECTS ME AND MY MONEY. So, fuck you…. We will not “come together.” I want to shove your idiotic ideology down your throat and I hope you get EXACTLY what you voted for (you socialist piece of shit).
Mmm, delicious. More please.
‘Affects.’
Sorry, can’t help it sometimes.
Miss Minnie Cooper used to be an attractive old woman but she has become an old sphincter.
Dry September malapropism FTW!!
My boyfriend and I have an open relationship. Last week I decided to go for dinner with a guy I met the other month. It wasn’t anything crazy, and I wasn’t looking for it to be a date or anything. During dinner my boyfriend calls, and I tell him I’m having dinner with the…
What is wrong with these girls?!?!
My 19-year-old sister recently told me that she is pregnant. She is unemployed, hasn’t graduated and has been with her boyfriend for about two months.
The rest of my family is being really supportive, as are many of her friends, but I can’t find the energy to be…
Well, with the minor difference of having known Sam for nine months instead of two, this sounds like something my older sister would’ve written about me 22 years ago, if I’d had an older sister.
T-Rex Trying to see what’s so funny…
T-Rex Trying to preserve his dignity…
CARPE DIEM!!!
#TRexTrying
T-Rex is finally problem solving! There is no try!
Alright people, I suggest finding a way to save this as soon as possible just in case NBC finds me and destroys me.
Honored (and EXCITED) to return to SNL on September 22! :oD
Too perfect.
The American Dream, just like George Washington, is dead. Unlike George Washington, however, no one ever bothered to bury the American Dream. Instead of giving the dream a proper burial, we’ve stood the old lady up like a scarecrow, perverted her with makeup and a boob job, and then sat her out by the statue of liberty to mock incoming immigrants.
Why don’t my kids write this brilliantly?
